EDIT:
Weil's einige (noch) mal lesen wollten und der Link nicht mehr ging, jetzt einmal hier rein kopiert:

(Editor's Note: On June 27, 2001, the day Disney's California Adventure "theme park" opened in Anaheim, technicians at the Cryogenic Institute in Palo Alto, California, noted a flurry of Beta brain wave activity coming from Tank 33, the residence for nearly 35 years of the cryogenically preserved remains Walter Elias Disney, AKA "Uncle Walt." Using state-of-the-art technology, the Institute was able to tap into Mr. Disney's brain waves to allow him to "dictate" what follows. We here at DeScope are pleased to have gotten the exclusive scoop on this. As it turns out Family Fun magazine refused to print it and Weekly World News claimed it to be a hoax. Go figure...)

You know, to paraphrase the great American patriot John Wayne, it's getting re-goddamn-diculous what's going on in the Disney theme park empire these days. I keep up on all that shinola. There's a DSL line that's gotten crossed with my EKG, so I get cnn.com, msnbc.com and laughingplace.com. That pucker-headed Paul Pressler is killing me! I mean, take a look at what he's done to my precious parks. Sure, things were going well for a while there. I had a lot of my boys in there doing the good work, but then Eisner brought in the suits and the money guys - I always hated the money guys. Then something I'd never heard of before: Strategic Planners.

Let me tell you about strategic planning in my day. It went something like this: I've got a plan. We're going to do it or your fired! There's a strategic plan. And you know what? It worked. It's like that baseball movie with that low-voiced colored fella - "If you build it they will come." Someone said I said that. I didn't. But I goddamn well should have. Disneyland was like that. I had a plan. No one believed in it, including my brother, but I went ahead and built it. And it worked. That's stickin' it to all those that didn't believe I could pull it off.

Anyway. Where was I? Things were looking good for a while. Me World opened after I left the project and it turned out pretty good. Sight lines were a little shitty in places, but you gotta make room for all those wonderful folks, right? Then Epcot opened. I didn't care for that place much, because I wanted a city - a real working city, but my boys "interpreted" what I'd said and turned it into a concrete and steel monument to corporate ego. That's okay, though. I've made a lot of money off other corporation's marketing budgets over the years.

Then there was Disney/MGM Studios. I don't know what those commies at MGM had to do with our little Burbank operation, but I liked the park anyway. There were a lot of fun things in there that told people a little about the movie industry and the like. Course, I liked how we stuck it to old Lew Wasserman by doing that park while they were trying to get that abortion Universal Studios up and running in our back yard. Ha!

(a burst of static -- coughing? -- causes unintelligible moment)

Tokyo Disneyland. What a piece of crap. Who did that deal again, because I'm gonna come back in a few years and fire that jerk! Work a deal where we don't even own our own park. Pansies! The whole bunch of 'em.

Disneyland Paris. There's a beautiful thing. Those Frenchies wouldn't know it if good entertainment came up and bit 'em in their lying, two-faced asses! Think Jerry Lewis is a genius. I met Jerry Lewis. I can tell you this: he ain't no genius! He's a freak! Disneyland Paris is a work of art. I couldn't have done it better myself. Well, yes I could have.

Then, things started to go bad. Projects were coming up like crap floats in a bowl, if you know what I mean. Take a look at some of the things that were going on while I had my back turned: "New Tomorrowland" in Anaheim. What? The future is a fresh coat of bronze-colored paint? No, sir! That's not what I taught the boys. Turn the People Mover into a "thrill" ride? And then shut it down? Convert my beloved CircleVision into a preshow? A preshow! Hell, next thing I know Adventure Thru Inner Space is going to be converted into something you can ride on for a buck at the local mall!

What the hell happened in Florida? That Kitchen Cabaret in The Land pavilion at Epcot was a delight. There was nothing wrong with that. It was an evergreen. But the new guys changed it into something called Food Rocks. Food rocks? That hippie rock and roll bull being put into one my goddamn parks? Jazz, sure. Be-bop, maybe. But rock? We used to not let people into Disneyland because they had long hair, now we're showcasing their music in an attraction? Oh, and by the way, cut outs with sliding jaws are not audio-animatronics!

Let's move on. A series of creative duds that were void of any kind of storytelling and were merely schilling corporate messages came along. (Yes, I know I did that, but in a much more interesting way.) Daft pieces of frilly entertainment that said nothing, meant nothing and did nothing: Test Track, Imagination Institute ride, Dinosaur ride at Animal Kingdoo (don't get me started about Animal Kingdoo). I get a brain freeze every time I think about those aberrations.

It brings me to a point about the state of the Disney theme parks:

WHEN DID WE DECIDE TO GO CHEAP?

Now, we always have done things smart - okay, occasionally not so smart - but hey, it's prototypical, am I right? But we've never gone cheap. Well, Hall of Chemicals was cheap, but I didn't have any money left and I had this space in Tomorrowland and I had to put something in there, didn't I? Besides, Tomorrowland 1955, if you look at it now is whattaya call it..."retro," whatever the crap that is.

Anyway. It's cheap now. Food Rocks. Cheap. Looks cheap. Is cheap. When you're in the queue for Test Track or Imagination Institute ride or Soarin' Over California (and I'll get to that bastard of a park in a bit - I'm on a roll) can you tell them apart? They're all identical!

Since when did creativity get tossed out the window at my beloved WED, huh? Every time those suits tell the boys to do something for less money than it should be done, their solution is to make it "a behind-the-scenes industrial facility." Lots of galvanized steel and open ductwork and yellow and black OSHA hazard striping. Why? It's cheap! And it looks it! My goal was to take people to places they couldn't normally (or ever) go - not take them to Pep Boys. Frankly, Mannie, Moe and Jack have a better "tenant improvement" package than some of these attractions I've seen.

The bottom line is all they're worried about is the bottom line. I was worried about making a great product and the bottom line would come. So, things had been looking bad ever since they opened Animal Kingdoo with no attractions. Things just got worse. Innoventions. Sure, that Eisner got that idea from me. But where's the entertainment? Everything in there looks like something out of a Circuit City. People don't pay $43 (Jesus H. Christ -- $43 per person to visit one of my parks!) to go to a Circuit City. But hey, it fills out the dead space and you don't have to pay a cent, do you Mikey? (Eisner thinks he's such a genius.)

Let's not forget Millennium Village. A trade show in a theme park. They should've called it Nationventions or something like that, since it's the exact goddam thing as Innoventions only with countries footing the bill instead of companies. After leaving Millennium Village guests don't feel they've learned more about the world around them, they leave thinking that Israel is a simulator ride, Africa is a food court and Sweden is large, transparent floating eggs (if you didn't go, you don't know what I'm talking about, but it doesn't matter).

And then along came California Adventure. Okay. First of all, what's this happy crappy all about? A park about California in California? Where are the unique Disney intellectual properties? Where are the rides and shows based on my classic animated movies or, sure, if you want, some of the racier live action fare like Splash? This park should never have been built and based on the attendance and the public response, I think it doesn't take a brain surgeon (or a brain) to figure out I'm right.

First of all, there's this "amusement park in a theme park" section. This is exactly what I was trying to get away from when I built Disneyland. But the bozos running the shop today come up with some excuse about the nostalgia of the old boardwalks and all. But you know what? It's a lame excuse to appease those delightful annual pass holders who are brainwashed into any answer the Company gives. Even if they had somehow pulled off what they had promised in our their media spin - a "nostalgic recreation of a turn-of-the-century seaside pleasure pier" - this idea might have worked. But it isn't and it ain't.

You gotta be sniffing your own farts for too long if you're going to believe that people are going to spend their hard-earned dollar to go to a place to ride some mediocre versions of rides you can get - for less money, mind you! - at ole' Mrs. Knott's little berry place.

Ignoring that Hollywood Pictures section for a moment, allow me to go off for a few minutes on that "delightful" center of the park. You know - the farm and the winery and the wharf. Ah. I can just sit back (well, actually, I can't) and drink it all in - the old family barn - a weathered Coca-Cola advertisement hand-painted on the side, the corn heading off into the distance. A rooster crowing and a 1939 International pickup truck parked along a rutted dirt road. Or the winery - a beautiful place where artisans handcraft fine wines in a pastoral setting along the coast of France or Italy. Or the wharf: a salty, weathered seaside town that harkens back to a bygone day of canneries and Steinbeck.

Well, none of that is friggin' going to happen at Disney's California Adventure! (And on a side note, if they had called it Walt Disney's California Adventure I would've fused a pair of legs to my Vat and gone down to that hideous building with the Seven Dwarves on the roof and kicked some good old fashioned ass.) Instead, what you get for your $43 (I swear to God I'm going to have an aneurysm about that) is about 3,000 square feet of soy (soy! Hippie meat!), a $6.00 half-glass of watered down California wine next to a convenience store and a crappy film ("Oh, our wines cost so much because our grapes are picked by hand." What are you going to pick them with, your feet?). And then there's the wharf. The wharf requires it's own paragraph, so...

Let me tell you about that wharf. There are no attractions there. (Of course, the "farm" barely has one attraction and that sorry industrial film in the winery can't really be called anything more than Mondavi's Explanation As To Why Wine Costs So Much propaganda film.) What is there are labeled attractions, but what's a little recreation of a tortilla factory and a walk through a bread bakery. Yes, I know. Some wag out there said to themselves, "Epcot?" No, not Epcot, you gout! Sure, Innoventions isn't much more (or less) than what's at the tortilla factory and bread bakery, but it's part of Disneyland or Epcot - places with tons of attractions and entertainment. At California Adventure it's just insult to injury. Pay that $43 and get a chance to see how tortillas -- actual tortillas! Woo-ho! -- are made. God give me the strength to make it through this diatribe!

Then, there's the Hollywood Pictures section. What's wrong with Walt Disney Pictures, people, hmmm? Damn good thing you didn't use it, in retrospect. Would've soiled the family name. The Muppets thing is cute. Liked it when it was new in 1989! Then there's that Superstar Limo ride. Three words: What-the-hell? If you've seen it, you know what I mean. And if you haven't, you don't want to. Words cannot describe.

So, that leaves me to wonder: for 43 bucks what are you getting you can't get at your neighborhood carnival... or mall... or Hollywood Boulevard - for free??!! And does the Company think that no one can tell the difference between Disneyland, with their gazillion live shows, rides and attractions spread over 70 acres or more with California Adventure - with, what is it, nine or ten on it's paltry former parking lot site? I'll tell you this: P. T. Barnum was right. There's a sucker born every minute. But they're only a sucker once. It doesn't take an annual pass holder to figure out California Adventure isn't going to last long the way it is.

Oh, but it's not going to be the way it is for long, is it? Oh, no! They've brought back the Main Street Electrical Parade. (I hope they refund every friggin' dollar to those folks that bought the "actual" light bulbs - complete with Certificate of Authenticity - from the "permanently" closed parade the last time they shut it down!) Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ha!

They rushed in a circus tent to bring that Millionaire show in quick, hoping that would nudge the gate, opening only moments after the television show became passé. They're also going to add a Tower of Terror in the Hollywood Pictures area. You know, another "new" decade old attraction from Florida.

That being said, how do you explain what's going on in Japan with Tokyo DisneySeas, the newest Disney theme park? The park is beautiful. It's rich in environments and attractions. Beautifully rendered, wonderfully creative and full of texture. How did that anomaly happen amidst all that crap the Company's been sphinctering hundreds of millions of dollars into? I'll tell you how! Disney didn't pay for it! Not a cent! The Japanese paid for it. Why reign in the purse strings when there's Yen flowing from the banks of the Rivers of America? Tokyo Disneyland is the highest attendance park...in...the...world. They've got money to burn. And why not burn it on a second gate that will draw in all those Office Girls with disposable income yearning to spend their hard earned money from the sea of cubicles in Matsumoto Heavy Industries on sweet bean cakes in the shape of Indiana Jones or Hello Kitty knock-off pencil erasers with the Little Mermaid on 'em. Brilliant!

But what a dichotomy, huh? On the one hand, the Company I built is squeezing every penny out of the design and production budgets for their new parks in the States - oh, and Disney Studios Europe is going to be another load of steaming crap, I can tell you. Attraction buildings made from tents, that's how little money they've got to put that whole theme park together. And it ain't going to be very whole, I can tell you that. About the same number of attractions as California Adventure. How about Hong Kong Disneyland, you say? So little money there won't even be a Main Street. And swill like Soarin' Over California (should be Snorin' Over California) is now "state-of-the-art." (Hate to tell you all this, but my pal Ub Iwerks' son Don made a film almost identical to Snorin' for his company's simulator in 1989. There it is - another decade-old "innovation.") On the other hand, Tokyo DisneySeas gets built because Eisner doesn't have the bottom-line guys figuring out what the park should be. Oh yeah, they had business planners to be sure, but there's more innovation and imagination and vision in one land of Tokyo DisneySeas than there is in the whole friggin' California Misadventure.

It's all so sad, when I sit back in my jar and look at all that's happened in the last 35 years. So much promise. So much opportunity. Things starting so well then ending with a whimper. Words of advice to the company I started so long ago with my bare hands and a cartoon mouse:

1.) Axe the "strategic planners." It's about a vision, not a business plan, people.

2.) Build it and the bottom line will follow. Don't keep looking at these from the bottom line and then figuring out what to build. Things don't work that way anywhere else in the entertainment business, so why try to make it work that way with theme parks?

3.) Don't worry about growth. When did growth become more important than profit? Why are shareholders only worried about growth? Isn't a huge dividend enough? Look at the value that Eisner created over the first ten years he was running the store. Greedy bastards, every last one of you.

4.) Listen to your dreamers. Stop beating them, pay attention to them. They have better business ideas than most of your suits. If you started listening to them again, maybe you wouldn't need to keep laying off the poor bastards.

5.) Start hiring film talent to work in the theme parks again. Those WED kids are like the children of a brother and sister in Kentucky. They are theme park specialists. Great. They forgot how to design for the eye. Think in cuts and dissolves and pans. Inbreeding is bad, anywhere it's done.

6.) No one pays attention to the 10 Commandments that kid Marty Sklar wrote up a few years ago. Design to those and you're 90% of the way there.

I've said my piece. I'll pop back from time to time to see what's what over at the Mouse House. Maybe say a thing or two. Until then, light up a Chesterfield, drop some cubes in a hi-ball and have one on me, will ya?

(C)descope.com

get in the back seat,
Alex.
--"So'n Gefühl wie schweben, sich von ander'n abzuheben...
Jetzt gibt's bloß 'n Schuss Adrenalin und nichts wie hin zu unbekanntem Hochgefühl!"--